


The Bad Guys

by kethni



Category: Pineapple Express (2008)
Genre: F/M, Pre-Canon, Villain Protagonist, corrupt cop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28313571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kethni/pseuds/kethni
Summary: With thanks to crazymaryt for the suggestion
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	The Bad Guys

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to crazymaryt for the suggestion

It wasn’t about the money. People always figured that it was a greed thing. Maybe for some people it was but not for her. The money didn’t _hurt_ but that was just a cherry on the top.

It had been a long time coming. Years of hands slapping her ass and grabbing her tits. Years of being called the wrong name. Years of being told to _smile_. Years of being denied promotions and transfers. Years of watching assholes like Billy Dunne stealing her work and passing it off as his own.

So, when the chance popped up for her to get a little of her own back, she took it. Anyone would’ve done it. It’s not like she let a kid killer back on the streets or something. He was just some mid-range weed slinger. Dunne had sent her to watch the alleyway two streets away. It was freaking insulting and it was meant to be.

Except that while she was kicking her heels and cursing his name, the guy he was after was climbing out the attic window and crossing the rooves.

It was the movement that caught her attention. She looked up, pushing back her cap, and watched the rangy man reach the fire escape and half climb, half slide down towards the alleyway.

She didn’t pull out her weapon. She couldn’t have told you why. It was second nature by this point in her life. But she didn’t do it.

The tall man reached the alleyway, took a step back, and fell over.

‘Hey, you okay?’ she asked, offering him her hand.

‘Yeah, just a misstep.’ He took her hand, but she knew he was being careful not to really pull on her arm. He was a lot taller than she was and broad across the shoulders. A white guy with dark brown hair and brown – no, hazel – eyes, dressed in an expensive suit that he wore lightly.

‘Uh…’ he said, registering her uniform.

Carol’s radio crackled.

‘ _Be on the look-out, suspect has escaped. White male, approximately six feet tall, brown hair, brown eyes, grey suit, purple shirt._ ’

She and the man looked at each other.

‘Good job your eyes are hazel, right?’ she said.

He licked his lips. ‘And my shirt is more of a… lilac.’

‘I thought that,’ she said. ‘Soon as I saw you. I thought that’s a lilac shirt.’

He took a step back. ‘I should uh…’

‘Take care, Sir,’ she said, touching her cap.

‘You too, officer.’

***

He was picked up three days later but by then he was silent, and his lawyer was loud. He didn’t throw her under the bus. She didn’t actually expect him to and anyway if he had she’d have just denied it. Who was going to ever take the word of a dealer over the word of a cop?

Still, she remembered that he never said anything about her and that he didn’t try to blackmail her. It wouldn’t have worked, because of the whole “dealer vs cop” thing, but it would’ve been annoying. So, when the narco detective she was dating turned out to be married, it didn’t take long for her to get an idea how to deal with it. And him.

Ted Jones was confused as hell. She could understand that. It wasn’t a usual kind of request and, not to put too fine a point on it, she didn’t think he was the fastest on the uptake.

‘You want to _give_ me, this… material?’ he asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I’m pissed at the cop involved and I want him to get into a load of trouble,’ she said.

She half expected him to say no. To think that this was some kind of wild, desperate attempt at a sting by way of entrapment. Maybe that’s exactly what he thought.

‘I tell you what,’ he said. ‘I will give you the name of someone who will be able to dispose of this for you. Don’t tell him that I sent you. He won’t take it if you do.’

‘You’re suggesting that I take this to one of your rivals? What if I’m on the level? You’ll have passed up a hell of an opportunity,’ she said calmly.

He smiled. ‘If you’re on the level then there are _lot_ of things you could help me with worth so much more than that.’

‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I get that.’

***

Even then she hadn’t intended for it to be an ongoing thing. Maybe if Ted had just taken it then it wouldn’t have been. If he had flat out refused anything to do with her then it wouldn’t have been. But by falling right in the middle he needled her just enough that she wanted to prove herself. God damn daddy issues. Not that Ted was anything like her father. Ugh, that would’ve been disturbing to say the least.

It hadn’t been about the money. To begin with it was mostly about getting her own back on all the assholes in the department. Ted and his growing little gang had been a means to an end. Then some street distributor had slapped her ass. She was still reaching for her weapon even as Ted punched the guy right between the eyes.

‘Oh, damn,’ he said, noticing her gun. ‘Should I have left that to you? Sorry. Go ahead.’

‘Uh,’ she said, and shot the dealer in the foot. He screamed in pain. ‘Do it again and it’ll be in your head.’

Ted had the dealer dragged away to be dropped off at the hospital. Then he went right back to discussing a new strain that was coming in.

Huh.

***

The first time she screwed up, she tucked a secondary weapon in her leg holster, just in case. Ted had asked her to ensure that the witness to a shooting… didn’t give a statement. Carol had every intention of doing exactly that but then… Well.

‘It was a kid,’ Carol said.

Ted put his hands on his hips. ‘A kid?’ 

‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Like fifteen years old. I killed him, obviously, but I was a little… uh… distracted, and I made kind of a mess. I had to juggle some stuff so that I’d be called to the scene. That way they’ll just rule out any DNA of mine that they find.’

Ted pursed his lips as he stared at her. ‘So…’

‘It’s fine,’ she said, very aware of the weight of her gun against her calf. ‘I fixed it. But I know you’ve got people in other places and I didn’t want you hearing it from someone else.’

Ted looked out of the window. ‘Fifteen huh?’

‘Little asshole asked me if I was a stripper.’

Ted nodded. ‘Moose should’ve told you it was a kid.’

‘It just threw me off.’ She cursed herself, sure that she was sounding too desperate.

‘I know,’ he said looking back at her and sounding surprised. He took two quick steps and clapped his hand on her shoulder. ‘It could happen to anyone. You screwed up but you fixed it. So, relax.’

Carol let out a breath. ‘Great. Thank you.’

He was still stood close and his hand was still resting gently on her shoulder. She saw him scan her face as if he was looking for something.

‘I hope that you know that you’re valued here, Carol,’ he said. ‘Not just because you’re a cop.’

‘Thank you, Ted,’ she said. ‘I appreciate that.’

***

Frankie was one of _those_ guys. The ones that prided themselves on being charming and funny. God, she _hated_ charming guys. They made her fists itch. The worst part about charming guys was that they took it as a personal challenge whenever a woman _wasn’t_ charmed. She wondered if gay guys did that too. Was it a guy thing or just a straight guy thing? It didn’t matter. Not her problem.

Frankie was her problem because Frankie kept trying to charm her, which was annoying, and now Frankie was starting to get irritated about his failure. Which was worrying. Men like that, who thought they had some sort of right to a particular kind of reaction from women, they could get real nasty when they didn’t get it. Carol wasn’t afraid of him throwing around his fists or anything, but if he spread around rumours about her working for Ted then things could do real difficult real fast.

‘What’s wrong with Ted?’ Sayonara Joe asked her as they left a meeting.

‘How would I know?’

‘Come on,’ Sayonara Joe prompted. ‘You’re real tight. He tells you stuff.’

Carol shook her head. ‘I don’t know. Might be personal stuff.’

She was distracted now. Trying to think if Joe was right. Did Ted tell her things that he didn’t tell the others? She rarely had to ask what was going on, that was true. She’d just chalked that up to him telling everyone.

‘That true?’ Frankie asked, smiling too much. ‘Not that I’d blame anyone for pitching a little woo at the beautiful Carol.’

She scowled. ‘Where the fuck did that come from?’

‘I’m just saying!’

‘Just saying what?’ she demanded. ‘That I got my position here on my back?’

‘Nobody thinks that,’ Sayonara Joe said quickly.

‘Of course not,’ Frankie said soothingly. ‘I’m just asking the question. If the boss has dibs on you then I don’t want tread on any toes.’

Carol set her jaw. ‘I’m not the last piece of pizza in the box,’ she growled. ‘Nobody has “dibs” on me. You clear?’

‘What’s the problem then?’ Frankie asked. ‘You don’t like guys?’

Sayonara Joe put his hands up. ‘Guys, come on, this isn’t a schoolyard.’

‘I like guys _plenty_ ,’ Carol spat the words out. ‘I don’t like _you_.’

She saw Sayonara Joe’s eyes flicker behind her a second before she heard Ted’s voice.

‘What the hell is going on?’ Ted demanded.

Frankie plastered a huge smile on his face. ‘Sorry boss, we’re just establishing boundaries.’

Ted came down the steps towards them. ‘Sayonara Joe, do you have something else to be doing?’

Sayonara Joe made himself scarce quickly.

Ted turned to Frankie. ‘I am tired of hearing you talk,’ he said quietly. ‘Keep that in mind.’

The colour drained from Frankie’s face and he nodded. ‘Sorry boss.’

Ted gave Carol a brief nod and returned to his office. She noticed the way that his jeans clung to him.

***

There were all kind of rules about not misusing the computer systems, but Carol was way beyond worrying about that sort of things. Besides which, all she’d have to do was explain that Ted was a suspect. Narco had been sniffing around for a while but _somehow,_ they never managed to find anything that’d stick.

Carol sat up straighter as she read through the official records. Ted had never mentioned a wife, never mind what seemed to be a pretty prolonged divorce. No kids. That was good. Kids always mucked up everything. Carol couldn’t stand them.

Known associates didn’t include a current girlfriend but that didn’t mean he wasn’t seeing anyone. Maybe he was just discreet. She could believe that.

Ted’s home was listed. She’d never seen it. She’d never even been out that way. It was the part of town where the police would be seen as lowered the _tone_. If the neighbours needed to call the cops, they wouldn’t ring 911, they’d call the commissioner direct.

So, Carol used her own car to drive out there one night. It was a gorgeous house, all glass and pine, and nestled among the trees. In the darkness outside, Carol saw Ted cooking dinner and then settling down to watch TV. There was no sign of anyone else in the house.

***

Carol was woken by a knock on the car window. Ted looked through the window at her and made a gesture at her to roll it down.

Fuck.

‘Hey,’ he said.

‘Uh, hi,’ she said.

He scratched the back of his neck. ‘You want to come inside? You’re gonna get a crick in your back sleeping in the car.’

Carol licked her lips. ‘Uh, sure. Thanks.’ She got out of the car and realised that Ted was dressed casually in a t-shirt and cargo pants. She couldn’t see the shape of a gun anywhere but that didn’t mean he was harmless. Ted was a big guy, and she was pretty sure he was a _lot_ stronger than she was.

She hadn’t brought a weapon with her. It hadn’t occurred to her that she might need one.

She followed him up to the house, aware of how isolated the place was.

‘It’s a beautiful house,’ she said weakly, cursing herself for saying something so stupid.

‘Thanks,’ he said, glancing back. ‘My ex got the main townhouse, but I like this place better anyway.’

‘Divorce man, it’s a kick in the ass,’ she said.

Ted opened the front door for her. ‘Would you like a beer? Or do you abstain when you’re driving?’

They both laughed at that.

She followed him into the kitchen and watched him get a beer out of the fridge for her. There was a knife set on the counter. She didn’t much like knives. They were too messy, and you needed to be real strong, or real lucky, to do much damage with them.

Ted was watching her as he sipped his own beer. ‘Are you going to give me a hint?’

‘Huh?’

‘Should I be alarmed that you were parked up outside or flattered?’ He ran his thumb around the lip of his beer bottle. ‘I read that report in your file about the guy from your gym.’

‘That was a misunderstanding,’ she said.

‘And your former partner, Marty?’

‘That was bullshit!’

Ted put down his bottle. ‘So, you’re here casing the place for the cops?’

‘No!’

‘Then you’re here because sometimes this is what you do with men you like?’ he asked. He licked his lips. ‘Only one of those is a problem,’ he said quietly.

‘You know I’m not here on any kind of official business,’ she muttered.

‘I _hope_ you’re not.’ He moved closer and put his hand gently to her cheek. ‘I’m not one of those ungrateful assholes who can’t appreciate a woman going after what she wants.’

‘This isn’t about me trying to get up the ladder,’ she said.

‘I know that,’ he said.

‘Because anyone says that, and I’ll gut them.’

Ted smiled. ‘If anyone says that then we’ll gut them together. Okay?’

Carol relaxed. ‘Okay.’

The End


End file.
